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colours never lie
Monday, August 27, 2007


http://belleza0.livejournal.com/


Kill me if you must.

:p

Dear usernames :
oneball203, le-littleshop, fabius86, bishirich, chiewy, hellostrangeerr, minzyy, nehchtur, bing87, smellyrocks,

I added you guys back!

Rest of you, add me for private entries!
Else, see you on Eljay!



Cookies and cream, Regi @2:17 AM


Saturday, August 25, 2007


I haven't quite settled in yet.
I've read somewhere somehow, that Geminis are supposed to love changes, and are absolutely versatile.
And so, I'm beginning to get sceptical about all horoscopes.

I don't quite like the idea of changes. But change is the only constant in life.
I have very bad adaptability.. and I really don't know how to cope well with changes other than blaming change.

Maybe some day, somehow, when I'm really old, I'd get used to change.



Cookies and cream, Regi @9:36 PM




Say I'm scared, will you please secure me?
Say I will believe, will you please keep that belief running for me together?
It's not just a one man show about whether I've done enough.. it's a two hand clap effort.

Truce, let's clap hands together.



Cookies and cream, Regi @2:30 AM


Live Report

Thursday, August 23, 2007


Here's reporting live from Prince George's Park, Residence 1, block 4 - The study table.

And while that is his study table, this is mine for today. THE BED!!! The wireless connection here really sucks, by the way.
I am distraction. :)



Cookies and cream, Regi @11:42 PM




Today, I made you happy.
And honestly, I felt happy doing what I did.
And there's so much more I wanna do.

Said we'll try.. and I'm sure changes won't occur overnight.
But to try, means to fight it out and work it together..
So we'll try.

With all my might, I'll give this a good try.. and please do the same.
:)



Cookies and cream, Regi @1:16 AM


Wednesday, August 22, 2007


Distance was never a problem to me, somehow.
I've never regarded it as an issue, when it came to you.

And today, it still doesn't.

I don't know what I'm doing now,
all I want, is to be there.

Spent the entire night before turning in doing the kit,
with constant questioning by myself,
are you sure you want to do this ?

But at the end of it,
I realised, I'm happy doing it. And I'll keep doing it, until the day a miracle happens, or when I truly moved on.

So there.

And, I enjoyed our talk last night.
Seems like nothing really changed.



Cookies and cream, Regi @12:15 PM


Tuesday, August 21, 2007


The toughest part, is to know that love is still there. But it can't go pass the barrier.

Today, it hurt me so bad when you told me you're going to clean up your new room alone. Every part of me wanted to abandon work, and go over to help you. No matter the distance.
Yet I held back. I am no one to be doing all that anymore.

Before this episode, we had plans to help you settle in together.. and I had so much thought to just be there for you. Yet now, all's lost.

Why won't dreams come true ?



Cookies and cream, Regi @11:59 PM




I wish I could live in that dream, for real.



Cookies and cream, Regi @10:18 PM




Talking to Steven at work has always been a joy.

He might be cheeky and indecent mostly, but all in the name of lightening the atmosphere.
He's very knowledgeable and wise.

Today, work started to get easier when he came down to accompany me, and talked to me for about 3 hours.
He told me the way of life, told me the approach to many aspects of life, and taught me many things.

One important thing I'll always remember, and that he's always emphasising,
is that, "You can choose to lie to everyone. You can choose to lie to me. But you can't lie to yourself, and you know that."

He taught me shares speculations, he taught me how to answer interview questions, he taught me how to bring out the confidence, he taught me how to answer my assignment question, he taught me how to appreciate and live life to the fullest, and he taught me how to grab opportunities.

One day, Steven and his salesman were at the hawker having lunch. Both of them ordered prawn mee. His salesman only concentrated on finishing his lunch, and that his sole purpose in the hawker centre that day, was just to have lunch.

Steven had a different purpose. He went there, enjoyed his lunch, but was surveying the surroundings. He started talking to the woman sharing a table with them, discussing about their coffee, and their day. By the end of the conversation, that woman gave him her namecard. She was the GM of a listed logistics company. And with that, he closed a deal.

WHAAAAAAAAAAA
Impressive leh.

And the many times I witnessed him do sales talk, I was never left unimpressed. In fact, I'm always dumbfounded and awestruck. But after every sales talk, he always tells me, that he was just bullshitting the customer, and every ounce of information apart from the price and flavour of the package, was bogus.

So the key here, is to present a confident front, and not to reveal a slight bit of the lack of knowledge to your customers, and you've already won half the race.

I still have a long way to go...



Cookies and cream, Regi @5:03 PM




I can't understand how you get pass.

I started off this whole 'without you' episode by telling myself, I'll be okay, I must not cry, I must move on.
But it's so difficult because I keep getting reminded.
Over and over again, the heartache lingers.

How did I get my heart so torn and battered?
Why did we create so much memories?

To deal with life at ease, I have to get over you.
But I don't want to forget. I don't want to have to end up forcing myself to forget.

To get on, I remind myself of the things you did to disappoint and hurt me. I keep telling myself that you weren't real, that all along, everything was fake.

But the memories, the memories of the better times keep returning to haunt me.
I wake up each day to a heartstabbing pain, because I no longer have you with me.

I shouldn't have given you my all.
I shouldn't have loved you truly.
I shouldn't have depended on you, believing that we'll make the mark together.

And no matter how hard I tell myself to hate, I can't.
And sadly, I'm still waiting. Waiting for a miracle.

If I sought solace with him, would it really help me forget?

What do I do, baby.
To bring you back again.
To the days where love was once so true.
To make you happy again, and to be there for you.

Everything, everywhere, has a ghost of you and me.
And I keep hoping and praying, that it's really us I see.

When will you ever come home?



Cookies and cream, Regi @4:27 PM


Monday, August 20, 2007


Sometimes, I fall so weak.
Sometimes, I'm okay, and I believe I can pull through.

I told you, to move on, I needed someone's help.
I tried to start, and tried to open up.
But everytime I think of you, I cover up again.

I feel scared to start all over again.

Today, I was walking alone to take the bus, and just like a normal twitch of the senses, I took out my phone and wanted to call you, and start talking and yaking.
Then I realised what I was doing, and kept back the phone.

On board the bus, a couple sat right in front of me, and they were doing every single thing we did back in the good old days. They looked just like us back then... so much in love.

Then I couldn't help but start bawling again after reading your text.. how much we're really friends now. How your last message, the one I didn't send a reply to, sounded so much like the old fabby boo I always knew. Chirpy and happy. It pained because now, this chirpy boy doesn't belong to me anymore.

*Edit
I just called you.. because I felt like listening to your voice.
You sounded so fine, as you narrated your day to me.
And as I listened how you're getting along.. without me.. I was faced with mixed emotions.
Some part of me was happy for you that you're doing well, focusing on your studies. Yet the other part of me is torn because I'm out of your life.

I tried to hold back the emotions, but Pluto was so cute.

I came online, and I saw 'you're special - boo'. And this, is the first time your nick is dedicated to me, for something this pleasant. And this first time, is when we're no longer together.

I thought of Plan Z today, and how our plan didn't fall through.
But I hope one day, we'll still make it to the Z together.

I'm still trying to move out of all these pain, and truly focus on life.
I know you'll always be there for me.. like how I'll always be there for you.
So don't forget to keep your word.

"No matter what I do, I always forget to forget you."



Cookies and cream, Regi @10:50 PM








Cookies and cream, Regi @9:47 AM




Dreams, dreams, of when we had just started things.
Dreams, of me and you.
And it seems, it seems, that I can't shake those memories.
I wonder if you feel the same way too?

The littlest things that take me there
I know it's sounds lame but it's so true
I know it's not right but it seems unfair,
the things are reminding me of you.

Sometimes I wish we could just pretend,
even if only for one weekend.
So c'mon, tell me, is this the end?

-

Last night, jan and paul came to look for me to see if I was doing okay.
And I know, many friends sent smses to check if I'm okay, but I didn't reply to them.
I just want you all to know, I'll be okay.
And I am really glad to have you all to care for me, and worry for me.
But don't worry, I'll get on with life.

Last night, it took so long before I finally fell asleep.
And when I did, I dreamt of you. I dreamt of just your face, and nothing else.
Then, I woke up.

I ended the night not feeling so sore, but relieved, rather. That we'll always remain as special friends.
Yet, when the dream broke through, I realised that we're no longer together, and that now, I'll refer you as my friend, my ex boyfriend. It tore me apart.

But I didn't cry.

I told you, I won't cry again. Because crying will only make me want you back more. And crying is a painful process.

This morning, I woke up, feeling the heart stabbing pain again, and still, I didn't cry.

But I still can't make it to work today.

I realised, I miss the mornings where I woke up, finding an early morning message from you.
And the nights where I would fall asleep to your voice.

They all seem so faraway now.

I must not lose to the tears. I must not lose to the tears. I must not lose to the tears.










But, I lost.



Cookies and cream, Regi @9:30 AM




30 November 2004 - 17 August 2007.

2 years, 8 months, 17 days.

Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend.
You have been the one, you have been the one for me.

Today, we finally ended it.
Much as it pained to let you go, I guess, that's the only thing to do.
I won't think about the negatives, I won't think about them.
I will remember the better memories, and keep the better you forever in me.

I'm glad we'll be friends, best friends in fact. I'm glad that we'll still hang out, talk, and carry on this special contact.
Remember your promise, and I'll remember mine.

I'll miss you, but it'll be for the better.

You won't be leaving my wall frame, and RPJ, FPJ, Regi Little, Garfat, all of them, will stay. I'll keep your watch on my wrist. You'll still be living in my heart, and I really hope, we'll end up the best of friends.

And when the day comes ( you know which day..), if it ever does, don't be afraid to come to me.
You know I'll always be there.

There're no goodbyes anymore, because we'll be friends, bestfriends.
But goodbye to Us, goodbye to the plans we had for our future.

And with this, I finally understand what bittersweet is.



Cookies and cream, Regi @12:42 AM


Saturday, August 18, 2007


In the blink of an eye,
we're history.

I'm hurt, and I'm still hurting.
Till now, I cannot come to terms how did all that happen.
How did I let you do all that.
How did I let us come to this point.

Regrets, I have a plenty.
Regret finding out, regret knowing so much, regret not having done better, and maybe, I regret loving you ever so much.

You removed the photos fast, and so quickly, the only one left become one of those better times.

I'll miss you and your sniggers, you and your silly talk, you and your whines, you and your cheekiness, and most importantly, the times which held such better days, where you loved me with all you had, and with all you could.

I'll miss the mornings where I woke up to your texts or calls, and miss the times where you woke me up, and I could still whine to you. I'll miss the days where I could call you anytime I want and need, and shout my love across the phone. I'll miss the days where we would watch as life passed us by, and we were still firm together. I'll miss the days where we spent hours shopping aimlessly, as you scouted for Braun Buffel, Levis, and shoes. I'll miss the days where we cooked for each other, and watched movies together. I'll miss the days where we'd still wear our rings together, and hold our hands tightly together. I'll miss the nights where I went to sleep hearing your voice, bickering with Pluto, and hearing you tell me you'll hug me to sleep, no matter what.

And all that I miss, were just all yesterday.

Today, you're not mine anymore.


I'll have to stand up alone, stand straight and tall. And I've to move on, without you this time round. I cannot cry, because that'll make me miss you even harder.

But I do miss you.



Dear baby boo,
please be happy.

With love,
Regi Boo.



Cookies and cream, Regi @12:41 AM


Friday, August 17, 2007


After so long,
it's still her.

After all my efforts, I thought I did enough, to be good enough.
Still, I fell short.

It's okay if I fell short of your expectations.
I can try to work it out.
But now, it's an open comparison.
And it's the benchmark she left that I fell short of.

"I told the both of you that... and she..."

So, have you considered the reason why I didn't do anything?
It's not because I didn't think of it, because I didn't want to, or because I didn't feel like it.
I thought I'd make things difficult for you if I did anything, because you didn't feel comfortable with letting your family know. Obviously, you'd not see it now, because she managed it, so why can't I, right?

I won't be her replica,
even if it's what you're looking for.



Cookies and cream, Regi @1:16 AM


Thursday, August 16, 2007


Need to cope with changes from now.
Need to occupy myself.
Keep myself busy. Leave no time for myself to feel alone.

Need to be prepared for sudden attacks.



Cookies and cream, Regi @11:16 PM


the voice.



"6billion people in this world, and sometimes, you only need one. "
One Tree Hill

-
You could live life the way it's supposed to be, to stick to conventions and live it the stable way.
Or, you could live it the way you want it to be, and live a life of passion.

Feel the adrenaline rush through your blood, and experience the thrill.
Passion over stability, insanity versus sanity.
How would you rule?

-
ER project's crazy. So much readings to do, and yet I've no idea how to go about writing my piece.



Cookies and cream, Regi @12:10 AM


Wednesday, August 15, 2007


Isn't he cute?:)
And we even duet together. <3 And baby's first time at Wala's, we both had Singapore Sling and Screwdriver. :)Was a wonderful experience, and he loved it. :)
Here's who I met today !!!!!!!! (and will be meeting more in time to come to study! (: )




Cookies and cream, Regi @2:37 AM




Alright day, made better because I finally met up with Jiale and Kate! :)
Had dinner together, gossiped, and took pictures, which I'll upload later... after doing the damned mab.

Slowing down on all fun... project deadlines, tests, homework. So much to catch up on... thank God I got Jiale. :D She'll be my weekly study date along with Katey!!

And my poor darling's so stressed out by school when it's only day 2 of classes.. poor thing.
I GIVE YOU MORAL SUPPORT OKAY HUNNY!! :)



Cookies and cream, Regi @12:47 AM


Tuesday, August 14, 2007


Weeee pictures from the picnic/tanning on Sunday at Siloso! :)

Group picture, short of Aaron and Daphne..
The girls!
The doggies.
This is Pebbles!
And this is Nikki!
Jan and Nat with Rowena.

Daphne!!

Jan's favourite picture! We found this cute lil thing somewhere and we decided to take pictures with it. :)

Nikki's a greedy dog. Look at him stare at the chip.
I can run faster than Nikki!!!! :D

Pebbles looks... tortured.. hahaha.







I should have tied my hair up..... in all the attempts, my hair was covering my face. hahaha. And Rowena insisted that Jan didn't jump.. SHE DID!! Her legs were just too long. LOL.

I cannot tell you enough, how glad I am to find friends like these two.. :)



And look what I found, an overdue photo with Jem!








Cookies and cream, Regi @12:19 AM


Sunday, August 12, 2007


I'm losing it.



Cookies and cream, Regi @10:38 PM


The Zahir



I was talking to a friend yesterday (you know who you are :) ), and she asked me, how did I manage to keep a relationship this long...

And I took a walk down memory lane..


Before we were together... 26 November 2004. Impressive how time flies isn't it?

And our very first picture together after officially being each other's. Our second attempt to catch the sunrise, at East Coast.
Our first Christmas together as a couple!
And the Snow City trip just before you boat off to Tekong, and not see me for 2 weeks.. the horrible 2 weeks.
And so, I got you stacks and stacks of letters to open each day in camp, which you didn't bring in. :(
And the first picture with my mr botak!
Remember the weekends where I'd sulk because we had so little time together? And you got me a little surprise... just a barsoap, but it was such a sweet surprise..



And remember the time my slipper broke halfway through our excursion around NUS? Look at how smart you were to fix them for me!

And that whole week you had after BMT was for me. :) The first time you came over to my house, you made me pasta. Bacon pasta. :)

The first time we drank at a club together! REMEMBER REMEMBER?!?! I didn't even like it then.. and you had to finish it for me. :)

The very treasured weekends I had with you...

And our first clubbing experience! At the club that's gone now.. haha.

The family started with just FPJ and Garfat!

Ooh and this sweet mms you sent me, which left me grinning eye to eye for days.

We even conquered the Big Walk together! And do you remember piggy-backing me through so much of the journey? And even carrying my bag for me throughout it all...

The massage you'd always give my fingers everytime I fall asleep on you.. or when I had a rough day.

Your favourite! And was up on your wallpaper for so long... Did you know baby, that made me really happy?

How we'd sketch our little happy tree together.. with all the others. :)

Our first puzzle together!

And our second Christmas together... remember what we did at the corridor? ;)

So we grew together... and even became good cooks together. :)

You'll always impress me musically, really.


We even caught musicals together.

Cabaret first, then it was Phantom of the Opera. We went pass your 19th...

Then your 20th..
We even travelled together...
Your arms've always somehow been where I feel truly safe at.

You'd always take pictures with me, no matter how unwilling you are, you'd give in to my requests. When we finally got our very own rings...




I like the stupid poses you'd do when my camera starts. :) And this day, you came over after work by public transport, just to get me two pieces of bread because I always get hungry at night while studying.
How you'd still make it a point to see me when you're sick... and end up sleeping in my bed.
Always there to solve my technical problems...
Watch me study..
Take silly pictures with me...
Webcamming together had always been so cute...
You'd even keep me company all the way till my friends arrive and send me off to party the night away.
I like how you look and sound when you're sleepy and losing concentration...

And, 3 of my birthdays together, as a couple.
My 18th.. 19th..
20th.
You've made them all special.
2 years, 8 months. What a feat.
I don't know what to say... it's been such a wonderful experience..
You've always been so gracious, and caring.
And there's nothing much I can ask for (well, maybe apart from STOP ASKING ME TO LIKE POOH!!!!! :P)
You know you're special sweetie.
Sealed with millions of kisses,
Your baby boo.

Adapted from The Zahir by Paulo Coelho
"...the story by Jorge Luis Borges, about something which, once touched or seen, can never be forgotten, and which gradually so fills our thoughts that we are driven to madness. My Zahir is not a romantic metaphor - a blind man, a compass, or a coin.
It has a name, and ..."
his name is Fabius.





Cookies and cream, Regi @4:59 AM